Parenting REdefined Mindset
"At Parenting REdefined, we break big tasks into mini-steps to help your child feel capableānot defeated."
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Last week, I talked to a lot of kids and adults who feel completely overwhelmed...and worse, feel stuck in this state of overwhelm.
- Sometimes it's social struggles.
- Other times it's academic pressure.
- Family stress.
- Global news.
- Or a mix of it all, piling up
What I see again and again is this:
- The stress builds.
- Motivation drops.
- Daily tasks don't get done.
- The to-do list grows
- The stress builds even more
- Cycle continues
And now, they're spinning. Stuck in place.
Feeling anxious, unmotivated, and even more overwhelmed by what hasn't gotten done.
They may not even realize they're in this cycle.
Or they know, but can't figure out how to get out of it.
š§ One simple but powerful step I often suggest is this.
Divide stressors into :
1) Things I can control
2) Things I can't control
REMEMBER: Simple does not equal easy! It takes practice.
KEEP READING TO SEE HOW I LIKE TO MODIFY THIS FOR MY PARENTING REDEFINED FAMILIES
Why does this help?
When kids/adults start organizing their thoughts in this way, it activates the prefrontal cortexāthe part of the brain responsible for planning, decision-making, and regulating emotions. Recent research indicates that engaging in structured tasks like this can enhance prefrontal cortex activity, which is associated with improved cognitive control and stress regulation.
š¢ Important:
Items on the āThings I Can Controlā list don't have to be directly related to the stressor.
They might be:
1) Direct actions (e.g., I can write one email to my teacher asking for help)
2) Supportive routines (e.g., I can go on a walk with the dog so I feel calmer and dog is happy)
Both are valuable.
Both help shift the brain from a reactive state to a more proactive one.
This isn't about solving everything.
It's about creating a pause, a moment to breathe, and a chance to begin again.
Once they find that first step, we can help them start to move forward.
Parenting REdefined Trick:
Turn Overwhelm Into Mini-Step Actions
Instead of writing everything in one long list which can be visually overstimulating, try using 3x5 index cards (do those still exist?? š) or small slips of paper.
Hereās how:
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Write one item per card (just one!).
-
Make as many cards as you need.
-
Sort the cards into two piles:
š¢ Things I Can Control
š“ Things I Canāt Control -
Pick 1 ācan controlā card and have your child take action on just that one.
**optional: have them put them in order of most stressful to least stressful or order of priority...the category doens't matter as much as the fact that this step is again, helping them use their critical thinking.
Why It Works
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š§ One idea per card = less visual and mental overwhelm
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ā Moving cards around = hands-on and easier to process
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ā Taking one step at a time creates chances for success
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š¢ If your child only finishes 2 cards today and leaves the rest for another day? Thatās a win.
-
š“ If you hadnāt broken it down and you are left with a paper that you feel is incomplete, the whole task mightāve felt like a failureāfor both of you.
NORIKO'S NOTES: sharing my life's simple joysš
My daughter, Emma, turned 19 last week!!
Many of you know she is a fiercely strong person and she has always had that fire inside, even from the time she was tiny...and she was very tiny for a long time!
When she sets her mind to do something, she WILL make it happen. On the flip side, when she sets her mind not to do something, no one can convince her otherwise! This has made my parenting journey very eventful š¤Ŗ but I would not have it any other way. I have learned so much from her strengths, her challenges, and her grit. It may not always show on the surface but at the core, she is a super gritty person and I completely respect her for it!
We got to spend her day in San Francisco at the Botanical Garden, walking around and taking IG worthy photos! We even found a cute thrift store nearby and a so-so Banh mi shop.
Life is amazing when your 19 year old wants to spend her birthday with her family. I love that girl for everything that she is!
Fun fact: When I was a UC Davis undergrad student, I took a Human Development class where I had to observe children at the Early Learning Center Pre-school (I love that school!). There was a little girl named Emma there who I thought was the cutest little thing! I fell in love with her name. I was only about 19 but I thought to myself, "When I have a little girl, I want to name her Emma." My friends gave me a hard time, saying "Emma? that's such an old lady's name!" but I stood by my decision for years. Fast forward to early 2000's, I got to actually name my daughter, Emma. By then, it was one of the most popular names!!
I'd like to go on record here to say...I called it first!! š
I have a SCLC kiddo who is a birthday twin with Emma. I hope you had a fun bday!!
Thank you for letting me share my simple joyš.
Please Help Spread the Word!
The more awareness we bring to the importance of social skills development, the more schools and workplaces will recognize the importance of inclusivity and the need for meaningful social support.
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