Summer is the perfect time to build life skills—without the pressure of school routines. This week, let’s focus on growing independence, one step at a time.
Even the most well-meaning parents can get into the habit of doing too much. Sometimes it's because it’s faster to pack the bag, tie the shoes, or grab the water bottle ourselves.
Other times, it’s because we forget how capable our child really is. What started as necessary support at age four can quietly become a long-term habit, even when the child is ready for more responsibility.
For our kids, independence may take a longer or a more complicated path. That is more reason to start early with smaller steps, while having fun!
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➡️💜Keep reading even more for: NORIKO’S NOTES: sharing my life’s simple joys
Welcome to summer!
Whether you were counting down the days or feeling unprepared, it’s here. Let’s use this season as a chance to reset and take a step forward.
Summer is a perfect time to re-examine some skills because:
- The pace is slower and less scheduled
- There’s room to practice new routines without school-day pressure
- Tasks feel more natural and playful when they aren’t tied to academics
- Kids get the chance to feel capable in ways that matter to daily life
- Parents can gradually step back while staying supportive
These small steps not only help your child feel more confident, but they also make day-to-day life smoother over time.
Today, we will focus on independence.
Without the rush of the school year, you can start building independence through non-academic tasks that feel enjoyable and normal for everyone. These small steps not only help your child feel more confident, but they also make day-to-day life smoother over time.
Use this guide based on the grade your child will enter this fall:
🎒 Going into Kindergarten
- Practice carrying a backpack with their own snack and books during outings
- Unpack their lunch or snack independently at the park or during a family picnic
- Pick their own outfit each morning to build confidence in decision-making
- Outfit fashion show mornings
- Set aside a few mornings where they choose their outfit and do a mini “fashion show” for the family. This builds independence with a bit of play.
🖍️ Elementary School
- Use a morning routine checklist they complete on their own
- Take on a daily helper job like feeding a pet or setting the table
- Pack their own bag for summer camp, swim class, or outings — identify a physical space to put the items and tie it into a routine
- Post It note surprise
- Put different daily routines on different post-it notes. Once completed, they can pull of the note and find a surprise that you have written in.
đź“š Junior High School
- Track summer activities using a simple planner or digital calendar
- Practice independent outings like biking to a friend's house or the local park
- Get in the habit of responding to friends’ emails or texts or other forms of communication
- Meet up with friends or family
- Either with friends or family members, plan to meet somewhere in town to have a snack or watch a movie. Have the child make all arrangements including how much money they need, mode of transportation, and setting meeting places.
- If you are a Davis family, practicing biking downtown from their junior high is a great idea. Kids often bike downtown from school, especially on the occasional Thursday early release days!
🧠High School
- Manage their own calendar including appointments and meetups
- Create and follow a budget for summer spending or shopping trips
- Take responsibility for calling to schedule an appointment or helping plan a family activity
- Working with a budget
- Rather than providing spending money for an social outing, set a budget and have them plan for it.
- Have them practice paying with cash as well as with a debit card, if possible. I have been out with a number of teens; typically they prefer cash or debit card and are very uncomfortable with the other choice. It is important to feel comfortable with both choices.
🎓 Leaving High School
- Use a digital planner to manage appointments, bills, and personal tasks
- Handle basic home routines like doing laundry, grocery shopping, and meal prep
- Be a full participant in planning
- Plan the logistics for a family outings including directions, timing, and packing list
- If moving away for school, think of everything they will need to do independently and break them down into smaller achievable steps during the summer.
📢 If you have a high schooler or older student who sees me for sessions, please have them communicate with me directly for any schedule questions or changes. It can be a group email/text that includes the parent but it should be driven by the student. I haven't been too strict on this but I will be working to get this going in the fall!
Each month, choose 1 skill based on your child's age.
Let them practice without correcting every misstep. Growth comes through doing, not perfecting. The more they feel trusted, the more capable they’ll become.
This can be a really fun way to develop new skills over the summer.
NORIKO'S NOTES: sharing my life's simple joysđź’ś
Speaking of summer...this year, I have 5 graduating seniors that I have had the honor of working with for years. I don't think these 5 were ever in the same social group together. I met 4 of them during their elementary school years and 1 before their freshman year. Two of them left and came back at different stages of development. Two have been with me every year; other than vacation breaks, we have seen each other every week for the last 4 years and 12 years! One, I have not seen for several years but I recently got an update email from the parents and I heard is doing very well. I vividly remember their early years; sessions were filled with play, games, pretend plays, and eating goldfish crackers. Pokemon cards, beyblades, and many obstacle courses. Then we went on to do more 'hanging out' and talking. The focus became more about the relationship than the activities in front of us. We had zoom social groups during the pandemic; we carried on with disagreements, awkward moments, and amazing group problem solving. So many memories come back to me about each of them! We worked through tough social topics and they invited me into their vulnerable moments of teenagehood. I am soooooo grateful that each one of them AND their parents trusted me to help them navigate through their social world and the ups and downs that came with life. Each of them has a very special place in my heart.
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE CLASS OF 2025 & THEIR PARENTS!!!
Since I can't post pictures of my 5 class of 2025 graduating students, I'll share photos of my own kids' graduations.
Jake 2023 from Davis High School and Emma 2024 from Vacaville High School. Despite being one year apart, they never went to the same high school because Emma decided to transfer out from Davis schools at 9th grade...I think they could have had a lot of fun going to the same school but in many ways, I think that was a good for both of them to have their own space to grow independently.
Thank you for letting me share my simple (& huge) joyđź’ś.
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The more awareness we bring to the importance of social skills development, the more schools and workplaces will recognize the importance of inclusivity and the need for meaningful social support.
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