A Mother's Day message from Noriko
Happy Mother's Day to all of the mamas, grandmas, and autie mamas.
I am thinking about all of you today!
You are the mom who is in it. Deep in it. Managing meltdowns, advocating at meetings, Googling strategies at 10pm, and still showing up the next morning ready to try again.
This year, I want to give you a simple hack.
Three words.
"Tell me more."
That's it. That's the hack.
When your emotions are high and feel yourself getting pulled into a power struggle: Tell me more.
When your child is escalating and you have so much you want to say: Tell me more.
When you're mad, exhausted, and you cannot believe this is happening again: Tell me more.
Here's why it works
Saying tell me more does not mean you are excusing poor choices or you are not setting boundaries.
It just means you are leading with curiosity instead of reaction. That one shift can changes everything about how the moment plays out.
It buys you an extra few seconds, a breath. It keeps the conversation open. It gives that challenging moment a real chance of ending in connection and better understanding instead of shutdown. The 3 words can set you up for a learning moment instead of a disaster.
It works because it slows you down first. If you remember my newsletter "Fewer Words, Stronger Skills", this is that same idea. You say less, they open up more. ➡️ Read it here
According to Understood.org, projecting calm in a heated moment may be the single most important thing a parent can do, because when we look angry or stressed, it can actually ramp up our child's response.
Tell me more is how you project calm.
Three words that help you regulate first.
Try it this week
Next time things heat up, just say it before anything else.
Notice what happens. Notice how the energy in the room shifts. Notice how you feel saying it instead of whatever else was about to come out. 😅
And when in doubt? Don't say anything at all. Less is more. Silence is also a tool.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.
Know a mom who needs this today? Forward this email her way.
Missed last year's Mother's Day issue? It was the most loved and most commented newsletter. ➡️ Read it here
Last weekend, I took a rare overnight trip with my UC Davis besties. After literally hundreds of text messages back and forth, we finally found one weekend that worked for everyone. We wanted two nights but settled for one. We will take it!
We have been friends since college, over 30 years. We've supported each other through the highs and lows of life and motherhood.
What I love most is that after all this time, we are all the same and yet so different from our college days, and I love it that way.
And the friendship is just... easy. Not easy like we don't put in effort or don't think about each other. Easy like we allow each other to show up exactly as we are, in whatever place of life we are in. No one cares where we stay or which restaurant we end up at. We just care about having a place to sit and talk for a very long time before getting kicked out!
I want to wish my Davis crew a very happy Mother's Day! I am so grateful to have you in my life!
p.s. If you are ever looking for a super quiet and cute place for wine tasting and a mini tour, I highly recommend Regusci Winery in Napa.
Thank you for letting me share my simple joy💜.
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Instagram/Facebook/LinkedIn: @NorikoAbenojar
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Noriko Abenojar, MSW PPS
Parenting REdefined
Social and Cognitive Learning Center
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