Parenting REdefined Mindset
"Notice your child's mood/energy/actions without judgement, BE CURIOUS, not reactive"
➡️🔗www.NorikoAbenojar.com/Newsletters for past newsletters
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➡️💜Keep reading even more for: NORIKO’S NOTES: sharing my life’s simple joys
Last week, we talked about helping kids (remember, I always mean young or grown kids) shift from feeling overwhelmed to taking action; starting with a simple reflection: What’s in my control, and what’s not?
If you missed last week's newsletter, click below ⬇️
CLICK TO READ: 📬Stuck in a Sprial? Help Your Child Go From Spiraling Brain to Action Brain
This week, we’re building on that idea with another foundational tool. Because BEFORE we even ask them to do anything, even to pick from the “can control” list, it helps to ask:
🧠 “How much capacity do you even have today?”
🧠 “How full is your tank?”
You might have thought to yourself, "they just can't get anything done today" or "everything seems to be setting them off!"
Whether it's academic stress, social pressure, family conflict, or background noise of the world around them, many kids are operating near empty...and often, they don't even realize it.
🧠 The 1–10 Capacity Scale
Ask your child (or yourself!):
“On a scale of 1 to 10, how much capacity do you have to get things done today?”
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1 = Zero capacity. You’re drained. Everything feels impossible.
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10 = Full capacity. You’re focused, calm, energized, and ready to go.
This tool isn’t about fixing everything instantly.
It’s about building awareness, which is the first step in emotional regulation, planning, and motivation.
At Parenting REdefined, I like to quantify things that typically do not come with a number system.
This creates a common language that you and your child both can use.
⚙️ Understanding the Levels
Here’s how I explain the zones to kids and parents:
🔴 Levels 1–2: Survival Mode
This is when your child's nervous system is overloaded. They are exhausted, overwhelmed, dysregulated, or all three.
🧩 If your child is here, the goal is not their to-do list.
➡️ GOAL: Get them to a more functional level of over 3, and ideally over 7.
🟠 Levels 3–6: The Middle Zone
These levels are where most of our kids spend their time. They can complete tasks, if things are in their perfect place...it is really quiet, only one child is home, they had great rest, or there is no homework.
Without those things perfectly in place, they may be more distracted, irritable, or easily frustrated.
A few parents have told me, "my kid is like an orchid". So many things around them have to go right in order for them to function well. Many parents can relate to this!
If they’re snapping at you or struggling to focus, it’s not always about motivation, it might just be their capacity, based on their internal and external environment.
🟢 Levels 7–10: Ready for Action
This is where we see the best executive functioning, problem solving, and social engagement.
Tasks are more likely to be completed.
Flexibility is higher.
The brain is more available for learning, relating, and listening.
Parenting REdefined Steps:
STEP 1️⃣: Notice your child's mood/energy/actions without judgement, BE CURIOUS, not reactive
STEP 2️⃣: Use information from your curiosity (not judgement) and identify their level
STEP 3️⃣: Support them in raising their level to a more functioning level BEFORE attempting the task
IMPORTANT:
✨Do not expect your child to accomplish tasks that require level 7 functioning when they are in level 2.
✨You will both be frustrated and discouraged AND the task will not get done.
QUESTIONS:
- What helps your child go from level 2 to level 5 to level 7??
- What’s one thing that could help move up 1 or 2 levels?
- Hit reply and share with me!!
NORIKO'S NOTES: sharing my life's simple joys💜
💗Cauliflower💗
Cauliflower gives me one of my life's great joys.
My friends have called me a crunchetarian. I love crunchy things and I especially love crunchy cauliflower.
Let me tell you the special way I like to eat it.
- cut into bite size pieces-do not cook - this is the most important step!!
- pour sauce over made with 1/3 cup lemon juice (or vinegar, if in a pinch), 1/3 cup soy sauce, and 1/3 cup olive oil --I've named this sauce "delight"
- mix
- crunch crunch crunch!
If your child is in my SCLC groups that go to SaveMart together, they already know my obsession. They will tell you I always buy cauliflower😂
Don't worry! I don't bring the group to SaveMart so I can buy cauliflower. I buy it while the group is shopping. I figured it is better than awkwardly hanging out at the corner of the store waiting for them to finish picking out their treats! The kids have caught on and always tell me "Noriko, Cauliflower again??" LOL.
Why do I buy it every time I am at SaveMart with different groups? It's because I can go through a whole cauliflower in about a day and a half 🙃
If you are a crunchetarian like me and you like sour'ish things, you will love it!
⬆️Me, writing this newsletter while holding the cauliflower that I bought during today's group.
⬆️Also me, slightly worried what my new subscribers might be thinking of me writing about my love for cauliflower😆
Thank you for letting me share my simple joy💜.
Please Help Spread the Word!
The more awareness we bring to the importance of social skills development, the more schools and workplaces will recognize the importance of inclusivity and the need for meaningful social support.
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