This week, Iâm touching on a topic thatâs close to my heart. Iâll share more about why in Norikoâs Notes below.
You donât often hear parenting or child development experts talk about perimenopause or menopause in relation to parenting. But I believe theyâre absolutely connectedâand itâs time we talked about it. I feel strongly about this. Please read on with me.
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I want to talk about something that so many moms are quietly navigating; sometimes without even realizing itâs happening:
Perimenopause / Menopause.
If you're in your late 30s and older, feeling more irritable, exhausted, foggy, or emotionally frayed than usual... youâre probably NOT just âlosing your patience.â Your biology may be shifting.
It is not just about the dramatic hot flashes you see in the movies.
THERE IS SO MUCH MORE.
Of course you know I am not a doctor so please do your own research. I do believe this is an extremely important topic and so relevant when we are talking about parenting.
Education is power. Seek out reputable, science-backed medical resources to better understand whatâs happening in your body.
Community is power. Reach out to people who will listen with compassion, not dismiss your concerns.
Iâve been following Dr. Mary Claire Haver, a board-certified OBGYN, for the past few years. Over time, she shifted her focus to supporting women through all stages of menopause, and her work has been a game changer for so many. You can find her on Instagram, her website, and in bookstores everywhere. Sheâs recently gained even more attention after being featured by Oprah! She said,
âPerimenopause can begin 7â10 years before menopause, often starting in a womanâs late 30s to early 40s; even while sheâs still getting regular periods.â
Let's sit with that.
You are working, raising kids, managing households, supporting others, often while experiencing unrecognized hormonal shifts that change how you feel, think, and connect.
đ§ These changes can look like:
- Losing your temper more often (even when youâre trying so hard not to)
- Brain fog that makes you forget what you walked into a room to get
- Insomnia or disrupted sleep that leaves you running on fumes
- Body aches, joint pain, mood shifts, anxiety spikes
- Feeling disconnected or not quite like yourself anymore
The kicker?
To this day, most U.S. medical schools donât include comprehensive (or any) training on perimenopause and menopause in their curriculum. I have talked to multiple physicians and womenâs health providers about this and they all agree--we need change.
This means so many women may go unsupported for years during one of the most pivotal transitions of their lives.
đ Why This Matters for Parenting
Because STEP ZERO is essential. Step Zero is about being aware of your own emotional/physical capacity, before any parenting strategies can be useful.
- Before you support your kids, you want to check in with yourself, if you want any chance of your 'strategy' to be effective.
- When your own nervous systems are taxed, when sleep, hormones, energy, and emotions are running on empty, it becomes harder to stay calm, attuned, and connected to your kids.
- That doesnât make you a bad parent--it makes you a human parent in a changing body.
It also means that understanding whatâs happening inside your own body can be one of the most powerful parenting tools you have.
PLEASE!!!
1) Talk to your partners, friends, and physicians about this significant change in your body, BEFORE you start to internalize it or slip into negative self-talk about your parenting.
2) To partners, friends and family--if you notice your loved one struggling, please reach out kindly and talk to her with words of support and not judgement. Open up the line of communication.
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NORIKO'S NOTES: sharing my life's simple joysđ
I have to admit, this is probably one of the least joyful parts of my life, but I did learn A TON about quality of life, choices I want to make in my life, and yup, you guessed it, menopause. I will give you the short version today-maybe more on another day.
In late 2019, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Zero family history. Zero indications in genetic testing. Went through 3 surgeries and weeks of radiation. At my first post cancer mammogram, I was expecting an all clear report. WRONG. They found another one, on the other breast. PLAN OF ACTION: Another surgery and weeks of radiation. However, this time, I decided to add another procedure...an oophorectomy, the removal of my ovaries. Since my second cancer grew despite me taking medicine that reduces the level of estrogen in my body, I decided to even further reduce my chances of getting a third estrogen loving cancer by taking both ovaries out, putting me into surgical menopause. I went from perimenopause to full menopause in one day. This was all great, in the oncology world. What I didn't realize was the effects of menopause on my body and brain. Overnight, I felt like my body aged by 20 years. I first thought it was because I was going through radiation but this persisted. I realized HOW MUCH my body was impacted by the changing hormones. Now, 4 years later, I have learned many tricks to live with these effects. It is not always easy but it is manageable. This is why I KNOW these changes in our bodies are DEEPLY tied to our ability to parent effectively. We must keep educating ourselves and searching for ways to not just get through these years but to thrive through them. If you have been experiencing some changes in your body, your mood, and your capacity to handle 'life', PLEASE talk to someone you trust. Please talk to me. Thank you for allowing me to use this platform to spread the awareness. THAT brings me joy.
photo from 2020 - many of you supported me through this. I am forever grateful to you!
Thank you for letting me share my simple joyđ. Now, please make sure to schedule your annual mammogram!
Gratefully yours,
Noriko
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