Over the past few weeks, we’ve looked at how friendships grow:
- by sharing experiences (week 1)
- sharing emotions (week 2)
- strengthening those moments by noticing them (week 3)
👉 Now comes the final step: helping kids see that they aren’t just passive participants in social situations.
➡️🔗www.NorikoAbenojar.com/Newsletters for past newsletters
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➡️💜Keep reading even more for: NORIKO’S NOTES: sharing my life’s simple joys
I often ask kids in my social groups:
👉 “What did YOU do to make it fun (or go well)?”
It’s a small but powerful question.
Frequently, the kids have difficulty answering this question. They reply by what other people did well or what other people didn't do well.
I have to stop them and ask them to think about themselves.
This takes a bit of practice.
Because too often, kids talk about hangouts or recess like things “just happened,” or they may focus only on the parts that went wrong.
But when they stop to reflect on their own actions, like how they shared a snack, told a joke, invited someone in, compromised on the rules of the game, they begin to realize: I have the power to shape friendships.
Highlighting their own impact helps kids feel more empowered; that they CAN make a difference in how that social situation turns out.
This can help them grow more confident, be more intentional, and they are more likely to take the next step toward building stronger, lasting connections.
đź’ś Try this week: After your child has a social interaction,
- Ask them what they did that helped things go well
- Celebrate the choices they made that brought joy, fun, or kindness into the moment.
👉 Even if there were moments that DID NOT go well, still start with the above.
👉 Then move into brainstorming together about what could be different next time.
✨ Parent Takeaway: The September Series ✨
Friendships don’t grow overnight. They build step by step—through shared experiences, shared emotions, and noticing those moments together. The final piece is reflection: helping your child see their own role in shaping connections.
When kids understand that they can make a difference, they step into friendships with more confidence, intention, and joy.
NORIKO'S NOTES: sharing my life's simple joysđź’ś
🔼 First day of 14th grade
🔼 First day of Kindergarten
She did it!
Emma moved into her apartment at UC Davis 10 days ago. It was quite the mad rush to get everything packed and cleaned up at home but she did it. My husband and I helped her move into the 3rd floor apartment with no elevators LOL. It was not easy but honestly, I loved every minute of it.
Many of you know that my parents had to move back to Japan during my freshman year of college at Davis. They came to visit me, but they could not always time their visits with my moves. As a young adult, I did a lot of things on my own. I learned a lot; I gained a lot of independence and confidence early on but of course sometimes it felt lonely. So, for me, being a part of these big life moments with my kids is very special to me.
Reporting back to you about my feelings I couldn't quite express last time ...I feel hopeful, proud, and unexpectedly a sense of calm.
There are MANY things I still want to teach and prepare her for life.
However, my role is now shifting and I am at peace with that. I feel good about how our relationship has developed over the years. I trust that she will come to me for support if/when she needs but I also know has the skills to find them elsewhere if she wants.
Although I still secretly follow her whereabouts on Life360 (ha!), I feel my grip loosening up a bit in a really good way. Actually, both of my kids know they are still on my Life360 and luckily they don't really care :)
Thank you for letting me share my simple joyđź’ś.
🌟 Want More Support and Parent Connections?
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If you’ve found this September series helpful, imagine having a space where you can:
-
Learn step-by-step tools for social and emotional growth
-
Ask questions and get practical strategies for your unique child
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Connect with other parents who truly understand the ups and downs of raising kids with social challenges
That’s exactly what we do inside the Parenting REdefined Group Coaching Membership.
We meet twice a month on Zoom for coaching and community, and you’ll also have access to replays, resources, and an ongoing parent community for support in between sessions.
💜 Your child’s friendships and confidence grow stronger when you feel supported too.
➡️ Learn more and join here: www.NorikoAbenojar.com/Membership
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The more awareness we bring to the importance of social skills development, the more schools and workplaces will recognize the importance of inclusivity and the need for meaningful social support.
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