- Some kids hesitate to use the word “friend.”
- Others say “best friend” too fast.
- Learn how words like “swim friend” or “school friend” help kids see the steps.
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➡️💜Keep reading even more for: NORIKO’S NOTES: sharing my life’s simple joys
Many many years ago I had a pre-teen child who came in with a swim meet t-shirt that listed the names of all the swimmers on the back. Some names had circles drawn around them with a Sharpie marker.
When I asked him about it, he said, “Those are the kids I swim with.”
I said, “Oh! So they are your friends?!” He said no, those are just kids who he swims with. He went on to tell me that he and a small group of kids decided to get together and circle their own names on each other's shirts, similar to signing a yearbook.
I pointed out, “You’re on the same team. You hang out together at meets. They even circled their names on your shirt. It sounds like they might be your friends. It is ok to say 'my friends circled their names'".
He was reluctant but agreed that based on my description, those kids would be his friends. He started to refer to them as his friends after that.
Finding the Right Words
- Some kids can be very rigid about labels, which can get in the way of recognizing the developing friendships.
- If a child keeps insisting, even without meaning to, that someone is “just a kid I swim with” or “just a classmate,” the relationship may stay stuck at that surface level instead of growing into more.
- If calling someone a “friend” feels like too much, it can help to name it in a way that feels authentic—like swim friends, school friends, soccer friends, or dance friends.
- On the other hand, some kids may overestimate their relationship and quickly say, “She’s my best friend,” when all they’ve done is swim together at practice.
- These kids may not see the steps or progression of friendship yet.
- Using words like swim team friend doesn’t dismiss the friendship—it helps show where they are in their friendship journey.
Friendship is a Progression
A “school friend” or “swim friend” is not the same as a friend who is part of many areas of your child’s life. One stays in a single setting, while the other extends across settings.
Friendships often start small and then grow.
A swim friend can stay a swim friend, or over time that relationship can move into more places in life and become a broader friendship.
Helping kids see these steps makes it easier for them to value and understand how friendships develop.
This Week’s Practice
👉 When your child talks about a peer they spend time with in a specific setting, help them name it in a way that feels authentic.
Examples:
“Sounds like you had fun with your classroom friend.”
“I can tell you and your soccer friend really enjoy playing together.”
Why It Matters
💜 The more we help kids see these in-between steps, the easier it becomes for them to recognize the building blocks of deeper friendships.
- Does your child long for friendships—but just can’t seem to figure them out?
- Maybe they try to join in but get ignored, or they think someone is their best friend… only to be left out the next day.
- Maybe they get overwhelmed or frustrated during play, or they come home sad and confused when others don’t treat them the way they expected.
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NORIKO'S NOTES: sharing my life's simple joys💜
T minus 3 days
On Saturday, Emma is moving out of our home. She will be transferring to UC Davis and moving into an apartment. She is ready.
For me, so many emotions; so little time.
If our schedules continue to line up, I will see her at least twice a week; once in person and once virtually because she runs two of my young adult groups with me...but it will be different. After the session, I will go home and she will go to her own place.
Honestly, I am not even sure what to make of my own emotions. Of course, I am excited, I am proud, and ...I am sad.
It's a strange thing when your youngest child leaves home.
I remember when I left for college, I was the last one to leave home. I joked with my older siblings that 'it must be nice!' to leave without a drop of care in the world since I was still living at home. When I left, I felt a huge sense of responsibility to take care of how my parents felt about it.
Now, here are are, over 31 years later.
Well, I am pretty sure Emma isn't thinking too much about us parents LOL...and I think that is a good thing.
This week's Noriko's Notes is going to have to end on a 'to be continued'... I'll have to come back next week and share more with you.
I feel myself holding tightly onto my feelings for now without a lot of words to describe them.
Until then...
Thank you for letting me share my simple joy💜.
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