The 3 Words That Turn a Compliment Into a Coachable Moment

This month, we're focusing on simple gratitude-based strategies that strengthen social and emotional development. 

This week, I want to share a simple idea that can change the way you guide your child.

Respond with gratitude.

When working with kids (and adults), I often say:

“thank you for…”

or

“I appreciate that you…”

I’m not just being polite. I’m highlighting exactly what’s working and the effort I notice, even if the result isn’t perfect yet.

Words of gratitude do 3 things at once:

1. Shifts attention from what went wrong to what’s working by pointing out the EXACT positive action you noticed.

• That laser-sharp focus on the positive action helps your child understand what went well, and increases their confidence in doing it again. 
• Too often, even the positive feedback is vague, from the child's perspective, which doesn't lead to a skill they can reproduce.

2.  Highlights effort and thought process, not just the result.

• You can even thank them for a small pause you saw, even if they went through with an action that wasn't good.

3. Shows the impact their actions have on others —> because I always want to focus on the relationship.

Here’s an example:

Option 1: “Good job for not blurting out."

• • Not terrible, but focuses only on what they didn’t do.

Option 2: “Thank you for pausing. Because of your pause, I was able to help the other kids finish working through their conflict.”

• • Tells them exactly what they did well and how it helped others.
  • That connection is what makes feedback meaningful.

I get it — you often don’t have time to use Option 2 in the moment.
You can follow up later when you do have time. It’s never too late.

I just finished a parent coaching session with a dad, and our conversation reminded me of something important I want to add here:

• Some of our kids actually feel uncomfortable with compliments.
  Instead of hearing, “You did great,” they think,
  “Was I doing poorly before?”
  Their brain goes straight to the opposite.
• Using words of gratitude helps avoid this.
  You’re simply naming the specific action you appreciated seeing or hearing.
  It feels factual, rather than a comparison.
  And it keeps the moment from turning into something that feels like judgment.

It’s a small change in language that can have a big impact over time.

💜 Try it this week: Replace a few “good jobs” with “thank you for…” and see what changes.

Free Parent-Teacher Conference Guide (2025 Edition) [GET HERE].

With this in hand, you will walk into your meeting feeling calm, focused, and ready to ask questions that highlight the importance of child/teacher connections.

Let me guide you, week by week, with simple tools you can use right away.
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